In the silence I hear my heart beating

I can't recall the last time the house was this silent. My wife and son are asleep, there is no construction going on outside the window, the TV is off, and I have even freed myself from the ubiquitous iPod for the evening. No sound other than the keyboard and the freight train of thoughts running through my head.

The silence is even more treasured given how noisy things were earlier on. Poor William, due to - something - did not want to sleep, concerning because of how little sleep he has had today. As can happen, putting him down to sleep was met with a great deal of resistance and "crying like he swallowed the fiery moon."

Fortunately, numerous efforts did eventually work, and William has been asleep for just over two hours. Tiffany, exhausted, followed soon after. I am standing (okay, sitting) guard next to William's room, listening to the baby monitor and feeling my heart skip a beat every time I hear a peep, hoping it's not a precursor to him waking up and starting this process over again.

My first concern is for William's well-being. We had him on a fairly strong routine over his first two months, but difficulties arose last week with the onset of a growth spurt. The standard "Eat, play, then go to sleep" cycle hasn't worked out well in these recent days. We are aware how important sleep is to William's growth, so we're hoping that with some minor adjustments, he'll be able to get to sleep easier once more.

Then there is my poor wife - as if she hasn't been put through enough, she operates on a 24-hour cycle. I worry that she doesn't get enough sleep, so I'm thrilled that she hopped into bed right away. With William's pattern being as unpredictable as it is, who knows when she'll have to get up to feed him again?

Tiffany and I are both people of routine, so whenever a curveball is thrown, it raises our panic levels somewhat. As I held William, trying to rock him as he howled, I thought to myself, "What if this doesn't work? What will you do the next time?" As any parent will tell you, raising children is like facing a great deal of curveballs. You can't predict anything. It's terrifying, but also a good way to break out of a routine, and think outside the box a bit. It's just that the stakes are so high.

So I sit in silence, listening for my baby, but hoping to hear nothing. I have been too scared to turn on the dishwasher, fearing any sound would wake William, but perhaps the time has come to get on with it.

Season Premiere

I would like to thank you all for the letters, calls, and emails I received asking, "Did you ever end up having the baby?" Initially, I had thought that I would write until the child was born, and at that point, this journal would become obsolete. However, my dear wife has mentioned that there would be value in changing the subject to discuss the ongoing world of fatherhood rather than impending fatherhood.

I agreed, but then I thought, much like classic television shows, I should create a space in between these two epochs to create a "cliffhanger" scenario. Did they have the baby? Was it a boy or girl? Did the baby have all fingers and toes?

Well, the answers are:

Yes.
Boy.
Yes.



William Joseph was born two months ago today, on a cold, overcast 14th of September, 2010. It was a bit of a harrowing evening, but he arrived happy and healthy.

Today is the two month marking of his birth. I would say that it seems like time has flown by, but it hasn't. There have been so many occurrences in the past two months that it seems like he's been around a year already.

Still, William has been better than we ever expected. He sleeps well, he eats well, he's great with people, and doesn't cry unless it's for a reason (usually from gas or being overtired). A good deal of that has to do with the lessons Tiffany learned from The Baby Whisperer and her use of the Baby Connect iPad application to track his every move. It's amazing to be able to track (and usually predict) his behaviour.

William's advancing at a strong rate. He's already flipped over, spoken lots of gibberish, given lots of smiles, and has the bad habit of trying to French kiss his dad (we'll fix that). I enjoy waking up and getting him up because lately he's been in a good mood while in the waking process. I can't wait to see him every day as he changes.


Yay William!

I love cake, but

I don't know that we'll do this cake anytime soon:

Speaking of class

It strikes me that we're halfway through our Birth & Babies classes at the Alberta Children's Hospital. Somehow through all the confusion and panic, I've actually been able to learn a few things. To wit:

• Babies can come early. Lord knows, I've heard stories of kids showing up anywhere from two weeks to three months early. Two tiny babies (one boy, one girl) showed up on Tuesday night with their exhausted parents. Sitting across and looking at the babies sleeping sent a massive adrenaline rush through my back to the point where I found it hard to sit still. It was similar to the feeling just before visiting the newly-opened Nando's in Calgary a few years back.
• I had never heard the term "Irish twins" before, but the moment the instructor said it, I knew exactly what it meant and the reference. My God, that is hilarious (and probably offensive to some people). I have to tell my Dad about it.
• I worried about watching birth videos and after seeing a few, my reaction was negligible. All those years of watching movies featuring things going into vaginas have inured me to the sight of watching something come out of one. Thanks, black market Direct TV!
• There's a lot more to labour and delivery than "Water breaks, go to hospital, have baby, hand out cigars." (Sitcoms lie!) I really didn't think I'd have that much to do with this whole process, but it's impossible to not want to be involved at a crucial level. There is a lot that can happen quite suddenly so I have to be of clear mind and purpose as chaos reigns.
• That reminds me, one of my undone to-do items is "Research cigars".
• Breastfeeding is fascinating - as if I didn't love boobs already, they can feed a newborn child! Is there anything they can't do?
• Using a stripped-down Melissa & Doug puppet to simulate breastfeeding won me over completely.
• The Alberta Children's Hospital is a beautiful facility that I hope to never spend much time in after this class is over. Every Tuesday when we go there are kids in hospital beds and hooked up to IV playing bingo in the main area. It brings back far too many memories of spending so much time at NYGH up until about age ten. If I close my eyes, the smell of my thrown-up apple juice comes back.
• I didn't know my mom had an episiotomy when I was born until last week when I asked how her labour went.
• The Canadian in me wants to rage when I see the American spelling of "labor".
• The class allays some fears, but raises new ones. You create a birth plan, but everything can change and it's out of your control. Almost every waking thought is a worried one about my sweet wife, what she's endured for the past 38 weeks, and what is still to come. I keep telling myself that as long as the story ends with a happy and healthy Tiffy holding a happy and healthy Robert Jr., it will be worth it.
• I know I won't be allowed to name the baby Robert Jr. or Roberta, despite my intense lobbying.

To end this brain diarrhoea, let me just say that class would be a lot more fun if a womanizer came to support one of the moms-to-be:

Shit just got real

Two of the members of our antenatal class showed up with babies tonight. So tiny.

On the plus side, we got to play with dolls.

Sad Legal Precedent

We unfortunately have to take this out of the birth plan.

Dad sentenced for groping nurse on way to delivery

Baby Pool

As with every baby-related decision, there were pros and cons to finding out the kid's gender ahead of time. While we initially were conflicted about our decision to not find out the gender, the feedback we've received from several sources have convinced us we made the right choice with this matter.

One of the cooler things about not knowing is that we're able to have a baby pool! Thanks to everyone who has participated so far, and please join if you haven't already. I wish we could participate because I would try to be very strategic about my picks. The best part is - it's free!

Baby is...(looks at watch)...getting close now.