#6 - "What Does It Mean?"

I don't need to say anything. This is the funniest video I have ever seen.

#7 - The Wildnerness Downtown

Okay, make sure you're reading this in Google's Chrome browser.

You don't have it? Go get it.

Now, check out a pretty damn cool Chrome Experiment: The work done around "The Wildnerness Downtown", based upon Arcade Fire's song, "We Used to Wait".

The Wildnerness Downtown

I loved music videos growing up. I was addicted to MuchMusic (boxes of videotapes in the basement confirm this) and I would sometimes hear a song and sketch out how I thought the video should go - for a brief time, I considered "Music Video Director" as a potential career (thankfully not too long).

I thought that pretty much everything has been done in the music + visual medium, but then I read about this project and downloaded Chrome solely for this experience.



The combination of integrating memories with modern technology blew my mind, and gave me pause as I looked at my old neighbourhood from old and new angles. The ability to interact with a music video is not something I had ever considered. Not only does it work, it gives each person a unique experience, evoking different memories and emotions.

The Wilderness Downtown makes me excited to see what creative minds will bring in the future, particularly when it comes to music.

#8 - 84

Continuing in my 2010 Top Ten Countdown...



In 1989 I was a steadily improving junior golfer, having gone through the same school as future PGA Tour pros and sons of captains of industry. However, I was also immature and would rather listen to rock music and read comics (both of which I still do far too much 21 years later).

That year, I shot 44-41 at The National Golf Club of Canada. I remember this because it was my best round ever, and a mark that I thought would be lowered on a regular basis with each successive round.

As you all know, THAT'S NOT HOW GOLF WORKS. Especially if you're an easily distracted head case. So I went through a couple of decades of sporadic golf and declining scores.

I did finally join another golf club (Springbank Links) in 2005, and worked in earnest on my game. Slowly, the scores started coming down again, but each time I flirted with breaking 85,I blew up and ended either with 85, or something slightly higher. Sometimes weird things happened, like last year when I shot 50-37 in a round. From hacking to can't miss all in the same 18 holes.

On more than a couple of occasions I stood on the 18th tee thinking "All I need to do is bogey this hole for an 84" and then I would triple-bogey the damn thing.

Then June 26 came around. I was playing with two excellent golfers (one a former club and city champion, and it was just solid from start to finish.

On the 18th tee I stood yet again, and this time it was "If I can par this hole I'll have an 84". My approach shot from 180 yards out was referred to by one of my playing partners as "one of the gutsiest shots he's seen me play" and it settled ten feet from the pin. I hit a solid putt that lipped out. Had it sunk, I would have shot an 83. Still, as I tapped in that par putt, it felt as though 50 pounds had fallen off my shoulders, as this mental obstacle had finally been shattered.

Of course, my game didn't come back to challenge that mark again in 2010, and my season was cut short with the birth of my son. I hope to raise the bar once more by lowering my score in 2011.

I mean, I can't lose - check out this golf swing!

#9 - "Amazing Things Will Happen"

Back to the Top Ten list with:

#9 - Conan O'Brien's Final Tonight Show Speech

I don't follow the late night wars. When people were deciding between Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien earlier this year and very vocally choosing sides, I laughed as 99% of the time I am deep in sleep by the time any of these shows come on. If I am awake at that time, I'd rather be watching Sportscentre or the Late News.

Over the years, I've found both Leno and Conan funny (also, Letterman and Kimmel). I have no complaints about any of them. Still, it seemed to me that Conan was getting jobbed for the Tonight Show job. Most of the blame lay with NBC, but it didn't seem as though Leno was helping with his comments and his earlier show.

So, with as much sadness as I could muster up for a guy getting a $45 million settlement, I felt bad for Conan as he signed off on his final Tonight Show, and I made a point of recording it to see if he went ballistic.

To my surprise, he gave a final speech that really grabbed me, and he provided a sentiment that I have often felt but had never been able to properly put into words:

Conan O'Brien's Farewell Speech from Sonlay on Vimeo.

"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere.

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

2010 in review - Top ten

We're at that time of the year when it's mandatory to look back at the past 12 months - the good, the bad, and the poopy. I was doing some cardio the other day and a number of things popped into my head that I thought would be worth cataloguing. So, over the next ten days, here are the top ten experiences I had over the calendar year 2010.

There is no science to this - I wrote a short list very quickly on a scrap of paper and this is being written in a "train of thought" style.

#10. The iPad



When the iPad first came out, the amount it was selling was insane. 3 million units in 80 days! I had always followed the rule of never to buy a first-generation Apple product.

Through a work promotion in the summertime, however, I won an iPad. I upgraded from the base to get the 32gb wi-fi version (no 3G coverage), and from day one, it has been an impressive little gadget.

It's extraordinarily easy to use, and there are applications (the kids call them "apps") for every mundane part of life. It's easy, fun, and portable to watch a movie on, great for showing photos, and amazingly, it's become an integral part of managing our son William since his arrival in September.

As all you parents know, it's crucial to track all details of the baby's activity, sleep, growth and more, especially if you want to be able to predict later behaviour. Rather than write this all down in a workbook, we found that "there's an app for that": Baby Connect.



Tiffany has been using Baby Connect since William's arrival and it has proven indispensible. We're able to show statistics to his doctor, count hours of sleep daily, and make estimations for future resources.

Sadly, with it being so closely tied to William, the iPad has pretty much become his iPad. I don't really get the chance to sit in a coffee shop with it and look cool/nerdy/hipster/attention whorish.

I know that within a few months, this device will be outdated. Competitors are all coming out with their own tablets, and some will certainly improve on the iPad. Of course, Apple themselves will release iPad Gen 2 in 2011, which will have some of the features THEY DELIBERATELY LEFT OUT of the first generation, such as a camera for video chatting.

Still, it has been a fantastic thing to have, and one of the few times in my life when I haven't felt like I'm years behind technologically.




Tomorrow: #9

In the silence I hear my heart beating

I can't recall the last time the house was this silent. My wife and son are asleep, there is no construction going on outside the window, the TV is off, and I have even freed myself from the ubiquitous iPod for the evening. No sound other than the keyboard and the freight train of thoughts running through my head.

The silence is even more treasured given how noisy things were earlier on. Poor William, due to - something - did not want to sleep, concerning because of how little sleep he has had today. As can happen, putting him down to sleep was met with a great deal of resistance and "crying like he swallowed the fiery moon."

Fortunately, numerous efforts did eventually work, and William has been asleep for just over two hours. Tiffany, exhausted, followed soon after. I am standing (okay, sitting) guard next to William's room, listening to the baby monitor and feeling my heart skip a beat every time I hear a peep, hoping it's not a precursor to him waking up and starting this process over again.

My first concern is for William's well-being. We had him on a fairly strong routine over his first two months, but difficulties arose last week with the onset of a growth spurt. The standard "Eat, play, then go to sleep" cycle hasn't worked out well in these recent days. We are aware how important sleep is to William's growth, so we're hoping that with some minor adjustments, he'll be able to get to sleep easier once more.

Then there is my poor wife - as if she hasn't been put through enough, she operates on a 24-hour cycle. I worry that she doesn't get enough sleep, so I'm thrilled that she hopped into bed right away. With William's pattern being as unpredictable as it is, who knows when she'll have to get up to feed him again?

Tiffany and I are both people of routine, so whenever a curveball is thrown, it raises our panic levels somewhat. As I held William, trying to rock him as he howled, I thought to myself, "What if this doesn't work? What will you do the next time?" As any parent will tell you, raising children is like facing a great deal of curveballs. You can't predict anything. It's terrifying, but also a good way to break out of a routine, and think outside the box a bit. It's just that the stakes are so high.

So I sit in silence, listening for my baby, but hoping to hear nothing. I have been too scared to turn on the dishwasher, fearing any sound would wake William, but perhaps the time has come to get on with it.

Season Premiere

I would like to thank you all for the letters, calls, and emails I received asking, "Did you ever end up having the baby?" Initially, I had thought that I would write until the child was born, and at that point, this journal would become obsolete. However, my dear wife has mentioned that there would be value in changing the subject to discuss the ongoing world of fatherhood rather than impending fatherhood.

I agreed, but then I thought, much like classic television shows, I should create a space in between these two epochs to create a "cliffhanger" scenario. Did they have the baby? Was it a boy or girl? Did the baby have all fingers and toes?

Well, the answers are:

Yes.
Boy.
Yes.



William Joseph was born two months ago today, on a cold, overcast 14th of September, 2010. It was a bit of a harrowing evening, but he arrived happy and healthy.

Today is the two month marking of his birth. I would say that it seems like time has flown by, but it hasn't. There have been so many occurrences in the past two months that it seems like he's been around a year already.

Still, William has been better than we ever expected. He sleeps well, he eats well, he's great with people, and doesn't cry unless it's for a reason (usually from gas or being overtired). A good deal of that has to do with the lessons Tiffany learned from The Baby Whisperer and her use of the Baby Connect iPad application to track his every move. It's amazing to be able to track (and usually predict) his behaviour.

William's advancing at a strong rate. He's already flipped over, spoken lots of gibberish, given lots of smiles, and has the bad habit of trying to French kiss his dad (we'll fix that). I enjoy waking up and getting him up because lately he's been in a good mood while in the waking process. I can't wait to see him every day as he changes.


Yay William!

I love cake, but

I don't know that we'll do this cake anytime soon:

Speaking of class

It strikes me that we're halfway through our Birth & Babies classes at the Alberta Children's Hospital. Somehow through all the confusion and panic, I've actually been able to learn a few things. To wit:

• Babies can come early. Lord knows, I've heard stories of kids showing up anywhere from two weeks to three months early. Two tiny babies (one boy, one girl) showed up on Tuesday night with their exhausted parents. Sitting across and looking at the babies sleeping sent a massive adrenaline rush through my back to the point where I found it hard to sit still. It was similar to the feeling just before visiting the newly-opened Nando's in Calgary a few years back.
• I had never heard the term "Irish twins" before, but the moment the instructor said it, I knew exactly what it meant and the reference. My God, that is hilarious (and probably offensive to some people). I have to tell my Dad about it.
• I worried about watching birth videos and after seeing a few, my reaction was negligible. All those years of watching movies featuring things going into vaginas have inured me to the sight of watching something come out of one. Thanks, black market Direct TV!
• There's a lot more to labour and delivery than "Water breaks, go to hospital, have baby, hand out cigars." (Sitcoms lie!) I really didn't think I'd have that much to do with this whole process, but it's impossible to not want to be involved at a crucial level. There is a lot that can happen quite suddenly so I have to be of clear mind and purpose as chaos reigns.
• That reminds me, one of my undone to-do items is "Research cigars".
• Breastfeeding is fascinating - as if I didn't love boobs already, they can feed a newborn child! Is there anything they can't do?
• Using a stripped-down Melissa & Doug puppet to simulate breastfeeding won me over completely.
• The Alberta Children's Hospital is a beautiful facility that I hope to never spend much time in after this class is over. Every Tuesday when we go there are kids in hospital beds and hooked up to IV playing bingo in the main area. It brings back far too many memories of spending so much time at NYGH up until about age ten. If I close my eyes, the smell of my thrown-up apple juice comes back.
• I didn't know my mom had an episiotomy when I was born until last week when I asked how her labour went.
• The Canadian in me wants to rage when I see the American spelling of "labor".
• The class allays some fears, but raises new ones. You create a birth plan, but everything can change and it's out of your control. Almost every waking thought is a worried one about my sweet wife, what she's endured for the past 38 weeks, and what is still to come. I keep telling myself that as long as the story ends with a happy and healthy Tiffy holding a happy and healthy Robert Jr., it will be worth it.
• I know I won't be allowed to name the baby Robert Jr. or Roberta, despite my intense lobbying.

To end this brain diarrhoea, let me just say that class would be a lot more fun if a womanizer came to support one of the moms-to-be:

Shit just got real

Two of the members of our antenatal class showed up with babies tonight. So tiny.

On the plus side, we got to play with dolls.

Sad Legal Precedent

We unfortunately have to take this out of the birth plan.

Dad sentenced for groping nurse on way to delivery

Baby Pool

As with every baby-related decision, there were pros and cons to finding out the kid's gender ahead of time. While we initially were conflicted about our decision to not find out the gender, the feedback we've received from several sources have convinced us we made the right choice with this matter.

One of the cooler things about not knowing is that we're able to have a baby pool! Thanks to everyone who has participated so far, and please join if you haven't already. I wish we could participate because I would try to be very strategic about my picks. The best part is - it's free!

Baby is...(looks at watch)...getting close now.

Unlikely Source of Parenting Advice, Part 2

Yes, Gene Simmons.

For all what mainstream Western society might question about his lifestyle choices (hasn't married the mother of his children, number of women he's slept with, performing on the Michael Bolton-penned "Forever" among them), the man has his head on straight when it comes to raising children.

This short clip addresses his basic philosophy:



It's refreshing and shocking to hear such a basic common sense philosophy. Simmons says much of the same in an interview last year with Macleans.

Discipline has become a bad word, as it's incorrectly interchanged with punishment. However, in the truest sense of the term:

to discipline means to instruct a person to follow a particular code of conduct or "order." In the field of child development, discipline refers to methods of modeling character and of teaching self-control and acceptable behavior" (e.g teaching a child to wash her/his hands before meals). Here, 'washing hands before meals' is a particular pattern of behaviour, and the child is being disciplined to adopt that pattern.

It's ridiculous for me to make any comment about parenting - obviously, I am not a parent. However, in my research, I have observed many parents and I have made notes on which methods have worked and which methods haven't. The determination of success or failure of the different styles can be easily assessed: Look at the children.

When you look at how well Gene Simmons' kids have turned out, it's hard to argue with him.

(I don't know that I would argue with him anyway - he scares me.)

50 days out

Today marks fifty days until September 2, which is our due date.

Unlikely Sources of Parenting Advice, Part I

It's not often you get bits of baby wisdom from sarcastic sports blogs, but:

How to Change A Fucking Diaper (Deadspin)

Baby-related nightmares

Well, this was an unexpected symptom.

I woke up at 5:15am shaking (and surprisingly not screaming) at the conclusion of a vivid mini-series occurring in the depths of my brain. I won't go into the details, but it was a freakishly realistic dream involving the kid - even so, it stayed related to my periodic spy film/sci-fi dreams. I tend to forget 99% of my dreams, so why does this one have to stick with me? Blech.

Now that I'm writing this, I wonder if it's related to taking a sleeping pill last night. Either that, or Mom took hallucinogens while she was pregnant with me.

To make myself feel better, I googled "nightmares":

Fatherhood

I want my kid to be smart.

Corey Haim

This has nothing to do with anything. Just a lesson I need to always remember.

Corey Haim and I were the same age and we grew up in the same neighbourhood. He went to Zion Heights Junior High across the road from "my" plaza - the one with my library, McDonald's, Mac's Milk, and Pickle Barrel.

I didn't know Corey Haim, but I certainly knew of him, especially when he made it big in 1986. The thing that I remember most is how JEALOUS I was of him. Here's another scrawny teenager from Willowdale getting the break that should have been mine. There was a picture of him hugging his dog that girls I knew had hanging in his locker. He had the best 80s hair ever (and I wanted it soooo bad). Within a few years, he was everywhere and engaged to Nicole Eggert!

Then the drug and rehab stories came out. By the time I saw him on a couple of episodes of The Two Coreys two years ago, he looked awful - about ten years older than his age.

Watching him took me into a new paradigm. All those years, you could say the name "Corey Haim" and the green monster would wake up in my brain. Suddenly, I only felt bad for him and wished I could help him. I was really cheering for him - not for a comeback, but for some sense of normalcy in his life. Maybe he'd leave the industry behind and move back home. Alas, Hollywood got another one this morning.

This ending is certainly not unexpected, but it's still sad. I hope there's some peace for his soul and some comfort for his family and friends.

What's the lesson here? 25 years ago, there were two kids raised in similar circumstances. One became popular, the other was insanely jealous. The popular kid hit a massive high, then awful lows, and now he's dead.

The point is that maybe I should have been just living my life to my best definition of success without comparing myself to others. Who knows the real story behind that person in the paper, or on that magazine cover, or on TV? Their life could be a living hell behind the scenes.

It's something I need to remind myself of almost every day.

RIP Corey.

And here...we...go!

So my wife Tiffany is pregnant. As I write this, she's somewhere around 14.5 weeks with an ETA for Baby O of around 1 September. There is no shortage of thoughts and emotions that come with this time.



After several negative pregnancy tests, I asked Tiffany not to tell me when she's testing, as the anxiety was hard to overcome. Too many times I paced outside a bathroom door and saw a sad face come out. So it was a thrill on 27 December when she slapped a test with the word "pregnant" visible on the counter in front of me.



Of course, then you go through the worry of the first three months, hoping they go quickly and without incident. Tiffany had a surprising lack of symptoms, which led us to worry that things were not going well.



(I should point out here that just about everything will make me worry; as far as I understood, this whole pregnancy and childbirth thing is a combination of magic and sitcom plots. The book(s) I'm currently reading indicate there's something more complex involved.)



The 13-week ultrasound went as well as it could - we saw the fetus (not sure if I should use the medical term or just say baby) move around which is the best moving picture I've seen since Rocky Balboa. The doctor analyzing the ultrasound said things looked clear, our odds of anything bad were low, and...well, I stopped listening at that point because it felt like the weight of a car had been lifted off my back.

It's a hell of a thing. Up until that ultrasound, the baby was more of a concept, but in an instant, it became more real than almost anything else.

Adding to that has been the sincere pleasure and happiness from our friends and family as we've shared the good news with them. With that, of course, have come warnings, knowing laughs, and advice - oh, so much advice. I must remember pieces I've heard, if only for a later post.

So here we are, waiting for an event that can't come soon enough, except that we don't want it to come before we're ready. So much to do, so little time...that's good, isn't it?

Alright, my bokkie, let's rock.

Preamble

I decided to restart this journal as an enema for my brain on the path to fatherhood. There are a lot of interesting things that are happening or will happen, and I will attempt to share my thoughts here. But first...


...you kids have it so easy today with your "Blogger" and your "Facebook." I bet none of you know one bit of HTML code. Back in my day (mid- to late-90s), I had my own website, put together without the help of websites that do all the work for you.

I registered the domain name with a company (not GoDaddy), found a host server, and had to FTP all the code and files to that host. Then check for code errors, fix, and re-post. All of my photos were digitized via a huge flatbed scanner, as digital cameras were still priced like cars.

Hell, I even had a company squat and steal my domain from me when my attention went elsewhere. Worst $70 that company ever spent!

To summarize, I was oversharing useless insights and photos of myself long before it was cool. Now everyone with access to a computer (or phone) can have their own little mini homepage. One day, quality will once again win over quantity. That just won't be today.

To summarize further - get off my lawn.